by Katie Dunnell

“My boyfriend wouldn’t let me go swimming in my own pool because my brother’s friends were outside. He didn’t want them to see me in my bathing suit,” one student said.

Hudson High school students have agreed that a controlling relationship has one solid definition: A relationship where one person is prevented from doing the things they want to do, usually expressed through jealousy.

“One Halloween my friends and I got dressed up to go to a Halloween party. My boyfriend had told me he was going to a different party so he got mad I wasn’t going to the one he was going to. He told me he would break up with me if I didn’t go home. So I did,” says a senior girl.

Jealousy leads to controlling behaviors. Many of the students interviewed reported that their boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn’t allow them to talk, text, or hang out with the opposite sex. “I wasn’t allowed to have any guy friends, period. No matter how long I had known them,” says a junior girl.

“I wasn’t allowed to hang out with other girls or text other girls. One time I was talking to a girl in the hallway and my girlfriend walked by and saw us talking. She rudely interrupted the conversation and asked what I was doing and made me walk away with her. Later on, she completely freaked out on me,” says a senior boy.

Not being able to choose your friends, same sex or not, is a huge red flag of a controlling relationship.  Among those interviewed, all said they had trouble being able to keep relationships with old friends of the opposite sex.

How long do these relationships actually last? Do the ones feeling that they are controlled ever tell anybody what’s happening to them? Does anybody try to help these people? The answers to these questions are pretty astonishing.

“My friends would always tell me what my boyfriend was doing to me was unhealthy and extremely controlling. I never listened to them though. I was used to my boyfriend’s behaviors and thought they were normal. I didn’t notice how controlling he was until we actually broke up and I looked at the bigger picture from an outsider’s point of view. I should have listened to my friends from the beginning; they were only looking out for me,” says a junior girl.

It’s common that many times those involved in controlling relationships don’t even realize they are and ignore those who tell them their relationship seems unhealthy.

“I was always afraid to break up with my girlfriend, who was really controlling. I was scared that she just wouldn’t let me break up with her and would force me to stay with her. I also feared that if I broke up with her, then she’d hurt herself. One time early on in the relationship, I tried to end things, but she simply would not let me. She literally said “no” when I told her I think we should take a break,” says a senior boy.

Those who are involved in controlling relationships often seem to find that all of their other problems and struggles relate directly back to their relationship. Also, many are too afraid to seek help because they’re scared of what others would think of them and their actions.

“I wouldn’t let anyone help me. It was terrible because my boyfriend was the main source of all my problems and things in my life got really out of hand. I started fighting with my parents a lot because I was always so paranoid about my relationship and was scared that my boyfriend would get mad at me if he didn’t always have my attention. My grades started to drop because I would spend hours on the phone crying and fighting with my boyfriend. I almost didn’t even play my spring sport because I knew he’d think it would take up too much of my time. No one knew any of this. I was embarrassed and didn’t know what people would think of me if I told them,” says a senior girl.

All students who were interviewed are luckily no longer involved in their controlling relationships. Many of them felt as though there was no way out and this controlling cycle would be never ending. They talked about how many of their relationships reached a “breaking point” where neither person could stand the tension and stress caused by the controlling behaviors and the relationship ended in an unpleasant way. All reported that they no longer keep in contact with those who controlled them, and many have them blocked on facebook, twitter, and texting.